I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
