can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
