im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
