I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
