i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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