Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize