Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
