btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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