Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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