big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
