I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
