We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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