I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
