I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
