The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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