I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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