If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
