I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
