She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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