At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
