Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
