A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
