I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
