you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize