Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
