I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
