It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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