I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
