I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
