Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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