look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Randomize
