I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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