i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
