Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
