i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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