While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
