i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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