I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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