there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
