I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize