He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
