Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
