I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
