from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
