even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
