note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
