the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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