Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Pants 0. Shit 1.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize