If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
