Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
