All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
