is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
