i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
