I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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