Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
