was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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