Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
