My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
