Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
