you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize