some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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