you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Houston, we have a blender
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
its liver damage thursday
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